Her Story
Even the strongest people get scared sometimes.
"Somebody almost walked off with all of my stuff and didn’t care enough to send a note home saying, I was late for my solo conversation or two sizes too small for my own tacky skirts." - For Coloured Girls
Being a woman is possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life!!!
I seriously don't know if I'm doing it right, and most times I don't get the results I want.
Questions of should I be traditional, or should I be independent, someone's wife or girlfriend or career driven, should I know how to cook, clean and still know how to change the transmission or alternator or for gosh sakes just a tire on a car, should I flaunt my own God given sexiness or hide it because the world says it's shameful and just for my husband.
Which woman should I be?
Which woman am I even qualified to be?
I'm feeling the pressure just talking about it, talking about her.
Her story.
Who is she? Do you even care to know?
Well firstly, let me set the story straight, she is nothing like your mother, nor your granny, muchless her mother or her aunty. She has never been in love or has the need to stay home and be financially safe and cook you rice and peas every Sunday with ease. But she doesn't want to be alone, or too caught up in saving the world, that her own life demolishes.
What fullfils a woman's life?
Her life.
"I could stay alone. A woman in the world then, but I moved to Harlem. I come in at dusk, stay close to the curb. Round midnight praying won’t no young man think I’m pretty." -For Coloured Girls
That's what happens when you were brought up to think being a woman is when you have the accomplishment of finding a good man. Little girls being brought up and groomed for husbands. Who remembers their mother saying 'You think you can find a man looking like that, acting like that, laying in bed all day like that, lazy like that, nasty like that'. Just like that Her became about him.
Waiting for him to think your pretty enough to be seen, to be pursued, to be wanted, to needed, to be married.
But what if it never comes? What if you move away from him and what he thinks and from the world thinks?
When a man becomes a definition of who a woman is, it becomes a sad story. It is hard to break away from traditional thoughts and feelings that encompasses what you should be, but who do you want to be?
What dreams do women want to pursue?
Her dreams.
"You don't know me, I am not a deliberate coquette who never did without. What I want and I wanted to be unforgettable. I wanted to be a memory, a wound to every man arrogant enough to want me." - For Coloured Girls
A woman can be more than a woman, but it is just what you choose to see her as, to see yourself as. We flirt and play the same game you are playing, but we are crucified when we win, leave you crying instead, standing at the top, being on top. A woman on top, screwing you, screwing you over.
Which woman do you want?
Yes, arrogant you are if you wanted a woman that has lost.
Lost in the game of life, lost herself and had you as her only accomplishment. Women, do not fall, do not settle for an arrogant man. He does not want for you unforgettable moments and memories of success. And I want success!!!
Do all women want success?
Her success.
"All I remember is, tubes, tables white washed windows, grime from age wiped over. Once legs spread anxious. Eyes crawling up on me, eyes rolling in my thighs. Metal horses gnawing. My womb dead." -For Coloured Girls
Screaming and shouting, it's too much, being a woman is too much. All the responsibilities she has, she has to have. Nature's calling on her, depicting for her victory, victory for her is being a mother, having children of your own, sparkling the world. Why not traveling the world? Being an anthropologist, helping children of this world who are in need. Am I not still sparkling the world?
Or must I have your child? And watch you become a child to me too. Because you cannot see my triumph, rising in the sky, doing what I want to do, when I want to do it, how I want to do it. Being a woman and free, free from responsibilities that are not me.
Prolife is then her decision to make, just like giving life, 9 plus 21 of dedication to flowers that bloom and blossom into beauties that we can say came from us.
Can't women have choices?
Her choice.
"I don't drink. A rapist doesn't have to be a stranger to be legitimate... These men friends of ours who smile nice stay employed and take us out to dinner. Lock the door behind you. And we are left with the scars being betrayed by men who know us." -For Coloured Girls
She keeps saying no means no, no cannot mean yes, no cannot mean go harder, go faster, she wants more! No means no! So belittled women are treated daily. The voters pick of whether to play with dolls or cars, to wear heels or sneakers, to go to university or marry young, to study engineering or nursing; a woman can't even say no or yes.
Where is her voice?
My body is my body. Her body is her body. Let go of my body.
Let go of her body. Only she can tell you when, how and where. It is her decision, not yours. Whether or not she chooses to stay a virgin till marriage or to walk around flauting and daunting, swimming in ponds naked, her body is her body!
No explanation needed. Just silence. Silence for rape victims, done by strangers, or by men they knew, or even the women who are still uncertain if it was rape.
Stand firm. Say no. Sceam no. And even when no was not heard, share your story to help another woman stand firm. #metoo
And so you tell us sorry. Do women hear sorry often? Why are you telling us sorry?
Her sorry.
"Save your sorry. One thing I don't need is any more apologies. I got sorry greeting me at my front door. You can keep yours. I don’t know what to do with them. I'm gonna have to throw some away" -For Coloured Girls
Hey baby, you I know didn't mean to hurt you like I hurt you, I'm so soorrry! Then because we are women, and we are the so called world carers and healers and givers of unconditional love, they take from us. Draining us dry, not because they deliberately want to suck us down to bones, but because they expect us to give and to care.
We are women. That will never change. But stop treating us like a being you created to destroy. We are women. Allow us to show our shine, and then embrace it, embrace us, stand with our kind. We are women. And we have had enough of this undermine.
My story. My life. My dreams. My success. My choice. My sorry.
Own it! Own yourselves!! You owe yourselves just that. Take charge!
This is dedicated to all women as we proudly stand and
celebrate International Woman's Day.
Inspired by the movie For Coloured Girls by Tyler Perry.
In recognition for my first piece on women (Self Worth: Mourning as I wear black) being published in the UTBLICK Magazine in Gothenburg, Sweden.